When my girlfriend of nearly 3 years asked me to move in with her 2 months ago, I thought our relationship was entering a new stage. My boyfriend doesn’t know there’s a breakup note in his birthday present this year. She told me she’d been cheating on me anyway. I pretended to break up with my girlfriend for April Fool. One day I will marry a guy who likes Doctor Who, Sherlock and Supernatural like me.
I used to think a guy’s height was really important until I fell for a guy in a wheelchair. I told my girlfriend I would propose once Clooney settled down. I’ve had the ring for 3 months and tomorrow she will finally see it. My fiance and I go to a bar in separate cars and pretend to meet all over again for the first time. I slept with my dentist to give me, my bother and his girlfriend a free whitening treatment. My drug-abusing sister doesn’t know I’ll be filing for custody of her two children as soon as I’m legally able. The one I married and the one I wish I’d married. No one knows that I deal drugs to my friends and their friends. I told a girl I was gay so she’d get changed in front of me. Sometimes when I’m out in public I pretend I don’t speak English just to watch the other person struggle.
I’m teaching my 82-year-old grandmother to stream illegally downloaded movies. I used to put veg oil in my sister’s foundation and she always broke out. I’m trying to get my supervisor fired so I can take her job. I’m running out of ways to look busy doing absolutely nothing at work. I listen to erotic audiobooks all day on the tractor. I have a secret savings account that I put money in to pay my parents back for all they have done for me. They have no idea what’s coming for them. love how smug some of my pregnant friends are. I fail at parenting.the only way my 3 year old will take medicine is out of my shot glass. I can’t wait to meet him and give it to him. I sleep with a teddy bear I bought for my son who is due in a month.
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